On Shylock, Orgies and The Pre Budget Report.

The pound of flesh which I demand of him is deerely bought, 'tis mine, and I will have it.

According to the UN Human development report the country in 2006 that had the highest debt ratio was Kazakhstan with 21.6%

Iceland was at 0%

Yet Icelandic banks, or their shuddering husks, today owe 14 times their national gross domestic product. (A joke going around financial circles - “what is the capital of Iceland?” “Four Euros”.)

That’s some spree.

Now admittedly it's the banks and not the country that went spendy crazy, but the banks are answerable to the law, aren't they? Did Mr. Haarde (go ask him for your money back), the ever so unpopular Icelandic PM, think it ok to put 4000 hotels on the Old Kent Road?

What would Shylock ask of these guys? Is there enough flesh in Iceland? 300,000 people and some fish might not do it.

He’d probably have to take all their hummers and West Ham just to cover the vig.

How can everyone owe everyone money?

Someone had to have some to give out at the start of it; otherwise there would be nowhere to send the boys around to.

What the banks have been sheepishly owning up to doing these last 10 years is a bit like finding out that your work colleagues have been having a daily, disgusting Sade-like orgy in the work canteen, (with pooh and blood and everything), in stead of the advertised tai- chi. Like in the Marquis’ (unspeakably shit) books the bad guys don’t always go to prison either.

So it was good to see the British Chancellor up in his best suit today selling the “lets spend our way out of this mess” solution.

Can you have deja-vu in the middle of seeing the thing that you think you have seen already.

That would be like some horrible vicious circle, or something.

The truth about The Truth about Charlie

Why remake a film that was essentially about the original actors, without those same actors?

The original « Ocean’s 11 » film was Sinatra and his mates mucking around on the studio’s dollar. The plot didn’t matter as people would pay to watch them do exactly that. So when Ocean was « rethought » with Pitt, Clooney et al, there was less pressure to stay true to the poor original.

People today are content to stare at Brad and George in the same way.

Remaking Charade, a film of some merit, with Mark Warlberg playing Cary Grant? Thandie Newman as Audrey Hepburn? Not the same thing.

Indeed director Demme seemed to weave the essential futility of the excercise into the film by shooting it between inverted commas. « Hey » he seemed to be saying as he put a beret and mangled accent on Markey Mark « I know this is ridiculous, but me and the crew are having a right good time here in Paris, so don’t take it too serious, ‘cos we aren’t »

Warning - this film was shot for a laugh and is pointless.

Nice vs Aix

The match between Nice and Aix was a blinder.

Tries, great kicking, tension, steadfast defending, a match of the 70’s muddy punch-up, and a victory for the good guys.

In the first half Aix looked the more confident and capable. They were pool leaders - Nice had just lost. They moved the ball around with pace, and created more options.
They led 12-16 at half time and could have had more.

In the second half the visitors tried to push on, but Nice’s stood firm. Chambon's kicking was peerless, the man is as sound as an old engineer. With great kicks, come great ticks. Starting with a plie, he adds a dash of King Johnny before (could it be?), a Wile E Coyote cameo.
And 3 points.

Hoorah.

Slowly the home side started to believe. They prodded, furrowed and hassled. The visitors didn't like it.

Then, from nowhere, Nice nicked a try. Aix, having been in control for so long, got shirty.

It went off.

Now, I know you can’t say, outloud, that watching players fighting is entertaining.

But it is.

If you don't condemn you condone right. To deny this leads to WWF? Sarah Palin?

There are the odd exceptions like (Big) Phil Scolari suspending his (football) players who wouldn't take part in a mass brawl at a Corinthians match.

But we know generally that's not the way it's done in rugby

However, at the Stade des Arboras, as the elephants in the room were knocking shit out of each other, the crowd were loving it.

It finished 29-19, and we chortled our way to the bar and to the afternoon’s only bum note. The fantastic keyboard player/ singer, who normally graces the club bar aprés match, was replaced by a glitter ball and some cd’s.

Shame,as I’d been bigging up his startling Barry White.

Maybe the new owners want to go glam.

It doesn’t matter.

If Nice get out of the pool, I’m lobbying for Chambon to throw in a bit of Riverdance.

Hair

I had a haircut the other day in the nearest my town has to a bloke’s barbers.

It’s only blokey in the sense that he doesn’t cut women’s hair.
There are no copies of the Current Bun, no Bensons, it's jazz - not Doc Fox.

Robed up, I go straight into the chair. Patrice looks at me in the mirror

He tilts his head slightly

« Crisis, eh ? »



Could he mean my hair?

The Lehman Brothers?

The Lehman brothers’ hair?

I hovered, befuddled, then started on a recap of what the radio had said about "the events"

The moment had passed, we relaxed.

Patrice clipped, nodded and lowed

I eased into my everyman economic discourse. A brand new expert, like all the others.

As I splashed around in my new found métier, I thought briefly of my friend Nico.
He is waiting to hear if he is one of the 300 they are laying off at T. I.
Bit of a dude, Nico. A funky drummer in the evenings; but even dudes worry about losing their jobs.

Undertakers and midwives, however, sleep soundly.

Hair continues to grow.